I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Someone shattered a urinal.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
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