Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Gay?
German.
Pity.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
