Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
