So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
