Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
