Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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