dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
