Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
