Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize