I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
