I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
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