ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
