i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
