Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Randomize
