Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
