Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
