My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Sex in the backyard? Check.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize