Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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