Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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