So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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