it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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