??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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