i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize