I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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