oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Never let your siblings swipe right.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
