why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
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