Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
