just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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