do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
