; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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