absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
