I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
