he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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