He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I can text with my tongue
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Randomize
