I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
