Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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