He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
