So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
