We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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