I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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