Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
