Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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