Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Randomize
