don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
