she was so not down for the gang bang
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
