So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
