we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
