Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
