Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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