I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
