apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
