I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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