Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
