I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
