If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
