Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
