If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
