nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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