I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
