For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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