my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
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