Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
