he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
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