I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
