4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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