i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
