he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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