My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
