I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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