I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
