i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
