I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
