let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
