Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
