just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
