I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
