first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
