Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
