1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
