How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
