I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
