He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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