I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
