2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
