is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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