Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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