get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
