Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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