you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
