there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
