well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
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