More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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