I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
It was like getting head from an anaconda
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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