Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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