physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
