she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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