Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
