More tranny stories later!
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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