Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize